Mental Health Toolkit

Anyone who has navigated complex family dynamics or faced mental health challenges will recognise that there are moments that can be both the best of times when things are flowing well, and a real test when we're not feeling quite ourselves.

Having experienced my own mental health challenges over the years, and given that we seem to be staring down the barrel of a particularly testing period, I wanted to share some of the coping strategies that have served me well. I'm not a professional, but I hope that sharing these personal experiences might offer some support to anyone looking to find their way through.

The Companion We Don't Choose

Anxiety can be a cruel companion, refusing to let you sleep, relax, or focus on the present moment as you're too busy thinking about something else that you may not be able to control. For me, this became an unbreakable pattern that I found myself trapped within. Only after seeking professional help did I discover practical strategies to tackle this.

Promises, Promises

The desperate feelings I was experiencing often boiled down to a perceived lack of control over my life and future. One very effective tool for tackling these feelings was to engage in a range of small activities that I was able to control completely. At first, they were wholly unrelated to anything meaningful—a short and disappointing pottery career was testament to this approach. But the act of taking control, completing something, and following through on a promise I had made to myself proved a powerful antidote to some of the feelings I was experiencing.

This simple act of making a promise to yourself and following through, no matter how small, was transformative for me. It helped me to see that personal change and growth is not only possible but within my grasp. Gradually, over time, I stopped feeling owned by my thoughts and found a way to step out of those shadows.

I received tremendous help from my loved ones, but I came to realise that their sympathy, however well-intentioned, sometimes served to perpetuate my self-inflicted challenges. I had to take steps to make changes myself.

My continuing relationship with challenging mental health has been made bearable—and even pleasurable—by understanding that I can master my own thoughts and effect change in my behaviour. This process of creating change has become a lifelong fascination. Little things I'd neglected stacked up and led to feelings of hopelessness, remorse, and crippling inferiority. I experienced these feelings during a booming economy with no global crises to blame.

Focus on Small Things Rather Than Big Things

I now find myself seeking out little things to do and focus on—small moments to make improvements, opportunities to offer a little support here and there. These modest tasks are excellent for mental health challenges as they offer a chance to start feeling better whilst also preventing me from dwelling on the bigger things I cannot control.

Ultimately, I discovered that me on good form in a challenging environment was far more enjoyable to experience than me on bad form in a pleasant environment. The startling conclusion was that my feelings were not actually a function of the situation I was in, but rather my relationship with myself—something I could influence. This was a powerful moment of realisation.

Journal Writing - Getting It Out, In Private

An eternal and silent friend of someone trying to conquer anxiety is the journal, written by you for you. I found a journal was a place to explore issues that were on my mind, plot personal progress, and identify patterns. I could record thoughts so I didn't feel the need to "not forget" things that seemed important to me at the time.

It helped me build resilience and stopped me from reacting in the moment to challenges.

Help Myself by Helping Others

Perhaps surprisingly, a focus on identifying the odd simple thing to do for someone else, just for the act of giving, proved a brilliant tool for recalibrating my thoughts. Often invisible little acts of kindness to others are tremendously effective at helping you feel better about yourself.

Exercise

Riding a push bike has proved invaluable for tackling anxiety. The beneficial effects of exercise are well documented—just get on your bike and do it! For me, the habit of exercising was the powerful part, and seeing small gains helped develop a sense of ownership of myself.

Sorry, Old Chap

Living with anxiety and subsequently implementing strategies to manage it is not easy, but it's certainly not impossible. One very important step along the way was developing the capacity to sincerely forgive myself. I messed up loads of things, returned to destructive behaviour patterns, obsessed about the wrong things, stopped exercising. The shame of failure can feel crippling. Find the strength to let it go and start again—put simply, there's no other way forward.

Pour Me Just One More Drink

I've said it before—alcohol made everything worse for me in this context. I had to keep it under control to make meaningful progress.